greed, sloth, envy...

I mainly struggle with each and every single one of those more and more each day. I continue to become more and more materialistic. Since when did I become this way? Since when did I want so much for myself? And since when was I so lazy? I need to stop sitting around all the time, simply waiting for things to happen. I need to take initiative, take action, DO SOMETHING. And why do I so desire things that others have when I already have so much all around me? Why do I wish I were more like her or more like him, and less like me? Why do I want so much of the world?


I am far from perfect. I don't deserve a single ounce of the grace that has been lavished upon me. It still boggles my mind every time I think about it... How could WHY would anyone take me as I am, what with my millions of flaws and all? Every single fiber of my existence is soiled, rotten, dirtied, tainted. I am the epitome of everything that He hates. And yet, hate is the last thing He does. He tells me over and over, no matter how often I fail him time and time again, "I love you, I love you, I love you." And it baffles me. Why? Why does He still accept me? I ought to be struck down dead pretty much every second of every day for the countless sins I commit, for the worldly things I desire, for the temptations I fall into. Instead He lifts me up from the grave I keep going back and digging myself into, and He gives me a second, a third, a fourth, a bajillionth chance. There's just simply no other explanation for why He does this......

THIS is grace.
This is LOVE.

THIS IS OUR GOD.

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