learning

People will disappoint me. Constantly. Repeatedly. Inevitably. Every time I put my trust in someone, they disappoint me, betray me, or abandon me. There is only One who won't ever do those things to me.

I need to stop being so materialistic. I keep telling myself over and over... stop wanting so much of the world, Angie! And yet a few days later, I'm surfing through the internet, browsing websites, wanting more clothes, envying girls who have the worldly things I want. Why? They'll fade away. They'll rip, tear, stain, and be thrown out. There is only One who won't.

Why am I so insecure these days? Haven't I been taught all these years that true beauty doesn't come from outward adornment, but rather the inside? Doesn't it come from the heart, the mind, the soul? Haven't I been told that no matter what I do, I am good enough as long as I try my best. So then why do I feel self-conscious, why do I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough, and why am I so worried about my future? My self-worth is not dependent upon what people think of me, or upon grades, looks, or success. So then where did all these insecurities come from...? There is only One who can take them away.

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God, please continue to humble me and to teach me.

I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to take in everything you're throwing at me right now. You're telling me so many things, speaking to me in so many ways. Although sometimes it's hard to hear, and although a lot of times I don't want to hear it, I know you're right. Please don't stop.