It's times like these when I wonder... who, or what, can I turn to now? I don't want to burden my friends with this. I don't want to tell college group or my pastors or anyone... cause it's not even like they can do anything. I just want to tell SOMEONE, ANYONE... but it's not like they can help or anything. What do I do now? Do I just hold it all in and pretend like nothing's wrong?

... someone who can help. Please just show up in any way that you can.

God, that includes you. Please?

Many times I believe that I am entitled to be loved.
Especially by my own family and friends.
Especially if I shower them with love first.
Many times, that's not the case.


Stupid Angie.

Sometimes, people just aren't going to appreciate you the same way that you appreciate them.  Get over it.  Just stop smothering people with your desire to be better friends, to be a better sister.  Respect that and leave them alone.

...

Besides God, no one can love fully and perfectly.

This includes you, Angie.

moving to Korea after I graduate

Pros:

• Job waiting for me as soon as I graduate
• Learn more Korean
• Cost of living is cheaper
• Mom could finally move back to Korea, like she's always wanted
• Andy oppa could finally move here too
• Staying with family instead of by myself

Cons:

• Staying with family, instead of by myself
• Leaving friends
• Leaving church
• Leaving comfort zone, everything I've known for the past 21 years
• Language/culture barrier
• I don't want a fob boyfriend/husband
• Meat is expensive

Sigh.  I'm gonna update this list as I think of more..

I don't understand how people could just walk by that homeless 할머니 and not give her anything.  She was sitting at probably the busiest crosswalk in this entire city, but her basket had less than ten 100 won coins (100 won = approx 10 cents).

I don't care if you've given a thousand homeless people the change in your pockets.  How could you just walk by?  You're carrying around name-brand shopping bags, you just had a nice shopping spree for yourself, you can afford to spare some change.  How dare you ignore her.

I watched her for a little bit while I was looking for my coin pouch.  That coin pouch contained every single coin I've gained since I got here in May.  When I finally went up and knelt before her to empty the contents of my coin pouch, I couldn't look at her.  I was afraid I might start crying if our eyes met.


.... But now I'm starting to regret that.  I wish I saw her face.  I wish I made eye contact with her.  I wish I let her know that she's not trash.  Agh... regrets.

Today still hurts just as bad as it did six years ago.

Father's Day

I have a Father

He calls me His own

He'll never leave me

No matter where I go

Today I took the first step in rebuilding a bridge burnt down three years ago.  I felt so... relieved.  Reconciliation is a beautiful gift, as it is an imitation of what He has done for us.  I only hope one day we too can take those same steps toward reconciliation.

I genuinely hope you're doing well, and I'm looking forward to the day when we can be friends again and talk about anything and everything once more.