Am I just overreacting?


Once again, I find myself turning to my blogger here because I find that no other outlet will suffice.  But today I'm going to be really generic and not go into specifics over what happened.  I just don't want to, in fear that all the memories will come flooding back.  It's not even like my life was in any real danger this past Saturday night, so I'm left here wondering... am I just overreacting?

I still shake sometimes thinking about what happened.  I wouldn't get a panic attack for no reason, right?  I was genuinely terrified.  About what? ...  I'm not exactly sure.  Maybe I was just afraid of what might happen with no one around.  It was a scary situation, and the potential of it becoming dangerous was definitely there.  The place looked as if it was straight out of a horror movie.  I couldn't face them, I couldn't turn around, I couldn't move.  I remember when my hands started shaking uncontrollably, then my breath, and then the rest of my body soon after.  As soon as I began to walk away, that's when the hyperventilation started.  And then the dizziness.  And then the fuzziness.  And then the panic.  The deep, intense, searing white panic.

I don't remember much of what happened after.  I just remember getting out of there, into the car, and speeding my way home.  I thought I'd finally escaped it, but it revisited me that night, in my nightmares.  I relived that horror scene over and over again.  And now tonight I'm afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to relive it anymore.

So what happened exactly?  Did I just imagine things to be worse than it really was?  Am I taking things out of proportion?  The ones who already know, who've already heard what happened don't think it's a big deal.  But how could they possibly understand?  They weren't there.  It was just me and one other girl.  She's just as traumatized as I am, if not more.  They didn't see the horror, nor did they experience the depth of the fear that we felt.  I'm expected to go back to that place in a few days.  Although it's not like the horror scene anymore, how am I supposed to go back?  How can they expect me to forget?  It's easy for them to say it's not that bad because they didn't see it.  They don't know.  They don't understand.  They aren't having nightmares about it.  They can't possibly know what I'm going through.

So no.  I'm not overreacting.  They just don't know.