I am constantly at war with myself

This time, I don't know which side is right and which side is wrong.
Neither side is winning.  It's more like both are losing.

What is this war raging inside me, you ask?

...

Part of me wants to just keep on eating and eating whatever I want while I'm here.
Another part wants to starve myself for the rest of the summer and get skinny.

Gluttony vs. insecurity... in which side does my allegiance lie?

I want to eat.  I can't contain my passion for food.  I wish I could make a living just eating food (not criticizing it, just eating).  But at the same time... I can feel the pants getting tighter.  At this rate, I can imagine the rolls stacking.  I can feel the flab forming.  Especially here in Korea, I feel more and more conscious of my image.  All the girls here are stick skinny.  But they don't eat a whole lot...

BUT I'M JUST SO FREAKING HUNGRY ALL THE TIME!!!!  Ever since I got here I've been eating so much.  I guess my metabolism has shot up since I eat at least three meals a day now, but now I rarely ever feel fully satisfied after I eat!

Why is thinness associated with beauty?  Why can't FATness be associated with beauty?  In that case, I could eat whatever I want and not worry about it.  In fact, I'd probably become the most beautiful girl in the world! ... and the fullest.  Therefore, the happiest.

Hahaaaaaaa.

I just wanna thank God for putting such good food in my life.  Like legit.  Thanks God for making food so good....... T-T

Going to sleep super hungry tonight........ sigh~