I'm starting to become envious of people who are into the world. I wonder if it would be fun to just "let loose" and not be such a goody-goody all the time. What would it be like to not worry about tainting the name of Christ and just do whatever I want? To just go out and be crazy like everyone else. To rebel. To do whatever without feeling guilty.
To just let go.

... but that's just the sinful nature in me talking. And it won't win me over. Not this time.


I wonder how empty those people really are. What do they live for, who do they live for, if not for Christ? Do they live solely for themselves? Does it satisfy them? It makes me sad to see them live their lives like this. ....... But it makes me sick to my stomach to think even for a second that I desire that for myself. Why? Why is that even a temptation for me? It shouldn't be. It never used to be. But why is it now?


I am constantly at war with myself. Sinful me vs righteous me. And I feel like these days it's been harder and harder to win over the sinful part of me.


Please Lord. I'm begging you.
Please be my strength, for I don't have any more of my own.