God... help me.
I don't ever remember deliberately rebelling against you, against your will. I know that I am in sin, and I know that this sin is choking me. In my prideful and sinful nature, I feel that I am entitled to this sin, that I have a right to have anger and wrath and bitterness dwelling in my heart because of what they have done to me and the rest of my family. But when you told me to deny myself and pick up my cross daily, you meant it. Picking up the cross isn't comfortable, it isn't easy. You never said it was. Denying myself doesn't only mean denial of my wants and desires; it's not just a denial of comforts and of worldly things. But denying myself in everything includes denial of my own "rights", and that includes my own sins. The more I hold onto this sin, the more I feel like I am the one hammering those nails into your hands and feet. I don't want to be in darkness anymore. I don't want this to be what stops me... I don't want this to be it. I want to only be closer with you. I want to be madly in love with you again, and I feel like I can't do that unless I finally let this go. But I can't do this on my own... so Lord, help me. Give me strength to overcome this... please. That I may learn to give to the undeserving, to forgive the unforgivable, and to love the unlovable.
Your daughter
Angie
