dejavu

Taking a study break.


Transferring to a different school has always been in the back of my mind. I don't know if Tech is the right school for me. I simply came to Tech because my mother wouldn't let me go out of state, and my grandmother was so insistent on me coming here (in fact, she prayed everyday during morning prayer that I would get accepted). I don't know if IE is the right major for me. I chose IE just because people recommended it. I don't know what I want to do with my life. But if I were to go to a school where engineering is not a main focus (and therefore would have better non-engineering programs), then maybe I would know what to do with myself.

But that's not the only reason I want to transfer.

I suddenly feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. People are moving on while I'm stuck in the past, where they leave me. I hate being so vague and I would expand on this, but I'll refrain...

This whole transfer idea has, over the past few days, been moving from the back of my mind to the very center of my main focus. It's taking over my thoughts. I can't go on a day without thinking, "If only I went out-of-state..." But then I sense dejavu... it's senior year all over again. The same reasons why I couldn't apply to out of state colleges back then still apply today. No, I shouldn't go out of state. I should stay here, in Georgia, give up what I want because I should help my family out. After all, my mom made so many sacrifices for us, so it's time I make sacrifices for her. I should stay here and save money. I should help out my mom at her restaurant as much as I can. I should continue to serve at Bethany. I should just stick with it, and who knows, maybe it'll turn out to be exactly what I wanted to do.



.... But what if it doesn't turn out that way?