to conform myself to the patterns and the ways of the world.
to change myself in order to make other people happy.
to give up my values so I could fit in better with a certain crowd.
to let what you think about me bother me.
to let what you all say get to me.
to become insecure.
to be discouraged.
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!
...
But it's just so hard now........
I wish there were more people to help build me up, because people these days seem to only bring me down in every way. Even my closest friends here seem to only bring me down... I miss so many people. DC, AP, SC, SP, SC, JO, GY, AS, EC... I miss yall so much. I know yall would never judge me. You guys would know exactly what to do to make me feel better......
How wonderful it would be to just run away where no one knows me. To start over again. Blank slate. Clean plate. Nothing to compare with should I change. How I longed to go out of state simply for that very reason... but now it's just a dream. A faraway, fading dream that I had my senior year of high school. Now I gotta wake up and face the harsh realities of life. If I were to take one thing out of every single little thing that I learned in all my nineteen years of life, it would be this: Dreams don't really come true. Dreams just spur you on, they motivate you, and they encourage you. But that's about it. They rarely ever come true. As for me, they never do. You just gotta accept it and move on.
God.
It hurts.
-hug-
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to want to fit in with a group even if it means changing yourself to fit the mold.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's also admirable that you're putting up a fight to not change and be true to God.I have a hard time with that. But reading Pslams 73:26 always encourages when I do happen to fail.
It's always easier being around people you trust and them being your light so that you can see where you need to go. But I guess the real test is when you're all alone trying to find your way in the dark.
As for the people who bring you down...they really aren't worth your time. You shouldn't let them bother you (i know it's easier said than done).
And keep dreaming...
It's true that you may not get what you wanted.
You might get something better.
PSALMS 73
Verse 12-14/17~ "This is what he wicked are like: always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued;I have been punished every morning/till i entered the sanctuary of God..
Verse 26- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"